No Exit For Kitty Korner

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By Jean-Paul Sartre

A living room in Victorian style. A massive truing stand sits on the 50's style table.

SLIM [enters, alone, and glances around him]: What's up?
SPECS [seated at the table]: Nothing much ...[skeptically] RYKI set up a drummer for tonight.
SLIM [hopefully]: Really? What time?
SPECS: Seven thirty.
[SLIM glances at the clock above the Victorian style mantel. The doorbell rings. SPECS sighs and goes to the door. He opens it and RYKI struts in wearing leopard skin pants.]
RYKI [cheerful, but out of breath]: What's up? [takes seat at the table where SLIM is now sitting.]
SLIM: So what's the scoop on the drummer?
RYKI: Well, he sounds cool. He says he listens to the bands we're into and...
    [The doorbell rings again and SPECS rises to get it. ERIC shuffles in wearing soiled gray pants, Velcro
     running shoes and a leopard skin shirt unbuttoned halfway down. He takes a seat at the table and
     slouches into his chair
ERIC [peering through greasy, frazzled hair, pointing at SPECS]: Your fly's down.
SPECS [puzzled]: What?
ERIC [motioning towards SPECS crotch]: Your fly's down.
SPECS [zipping his fly up]: Uh, thanks.
ERIC [to RYKI]: Our clothes match. I could be the top and you could be the bottom. [RYKI glances around
SLIM:, what kind of music do you like to play?
ERIC [bitterly]: So this is where you like, ask me questions and I'm supposed to answer them perfectly
     like it was a job interview or something and be like the perfect drummer, RIGHT?
    [KITTY KORNER glances nervously at each other.]
ERIC [soothed]: Well, I guess I like to play some rock ... some pop ... you know, jazz ...I really like to play drums.
     [Starts slapping hands on his knees and thighs to demonstrate.] I really like music. I like the drums.
RYKI [hesitantly]: Maybe we should play you our tape.
SPECS [putting the tape in the stereo]: It's not the best quality, but... [Pushes a button and music fills the
    [ERIC proceeds with his rhythmic thigh slapping. Halfway through the song he stops.]
ERIC [to RYKI]: What's this song about?
RYKI [half-joking]: It's about being OLD and CRUSTY.
ERIC [resumes his slapping][matter of factly]: I'm old and crusty.
SPECS [while exiting to the kitchen]: I'm going to get some water.
ERIC: I'm old and crusty.
SLIM [resigned]: So what do you do besides music.
ERIC [stops his slapping and stares into the distance]: I work with the dogs ...I work with the dogs at the kennel
     ...I like working with the dogs. [resumes his slapping]
RYKI [troubled]: We're really looking for someone who works not only musically, but personality wise as well.
ERIC [stops his slapping once again]: Well ...I'm NOT normal. [pauses for a moment] I'm old and crusty.
     [resumes his slapping]
SLIM [stops the music] [annoyed]: I don't think you're what we're looking for.
ERIC [stops his slapping] [perplexed]: May I ask WHY?

Huis Clos Kitty Korner (No Exit for Kitty Korner) was presented for the first time at the Theatre du Vieux-Colombier, Paris, in November 1995.